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A new semester. New students with easily forgettable names. Why do I remember some of them? What makes someone stand out in the mind of someone else? What makes me stand out in the minds of the people I meet? Do I stand out at all?

My life has become an orchestra of well polished compartments loosely fitted together. I'm good at teaching, reading, and writing. I make an effort to eat healthy and exercise, I keep my life clean, neat, orderly. I make time to draw and take photographs and play and listen to music. I try to be a good son, brother, boyfriend. I try to do some of these things each day. I cannot do all of these things each day. I have trouble connecting them together. I cannot seem to find the underlying tone, the rhythm, the pattern that will glue together everything else. Maybe there isn't such a thing. Maybe the problem is assuming that there is glue in the first place. I have tried my best to search for and collect objective truths, but maybe there is strength in recognizing the futility of such efforts.

I need to find my framework, my principals, my glue. Or, in the case that I have already found them, I need to figure out how they work, break them apart and rebuild them and learn to take care of them and check on them periodically. I take good care of myself, but in spite of this, I cannot stop searching for ways to take better care of myself. To stop searching is to stagnate and die.