Sunday, December 1, 2013

Unmanmade

I had a nightmare two nights ago, and I would like to describe it here, on this blog. It seems an appropriate place, and I haven't posted in awhile so here goes:

I woke up at 7:30 in the morning clutching my pillow and my mattress tightly and my eyes were tearing and my heart was pounding. I remembered the dream vividly and I still remember it. It was an anxiety dream in the truest sense, and my subconscious most likely conceived it as an unintentional by product of issues yet to be dealt with. In the dream, I was still in college. All of my friends had graduated and I had the distinct sense that I was alone. Not in a physical way; I was surrounded by happy and energetic young students, but in an emotional way, and I felt like I was part of the scenery, an immobile and inanimate object framing the collegiate experience of others. I suppose that I felt like a ghost, now that I think about it. Yes, a ghost. Anyway, I had to get to class and I couldn't remember what building it was in and I was running across campus, flying really in the way that ghosts tend to, and I remember thinking that this is it, this is the end, the death of everything I've known and all of the people I have met and all the experiences I have had, all melted and drained into an inaccessible abyss or, worse yet, packed onto a super sonic rocket and propelled far beyond my reach, maybe into orbit around a better planet somewhere. I gasped with fear at the notion of everything I loved going missing and I awoke with my eyes tearing and my heart pounding as I said before.

Here's a photograph of me in New York City:


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